As I mentioned, I’m pregnant, and for the first time – we’re debating on whether or not to find out the sex of our third baby-to-be.

We found out the sex with our first 2 kids the moment we were able to and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  As I’ve always said, it’s been a surprise for 20 weeks, and having a human come out of my vagina – another surprise enough for me.

Besides, I’m naturally a control freak.  Type A personality all the way – I like to know how things might happen, when it might happen and how to prepare for it.  Of course – there’s also the very shallow part of my personality where I’ve never really connected with neutral color clothing.  Yellow & green are just so blahhh, and what is up with ducks on everything neutral.

So when friends & our doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex of the baby; surprisingly (even to ourselves) we decided to delay the gratification.  Perhaps it’s because we already have one of each, and having a boy or a girl is sorta a moot point.

And if you ask me if I want a boy or a girl – I will give you the canned answer of “of course it doesn’t matter – as long as he/she is healthy” – but secretly, we do have a few reasons why we’ll prefer a boy or maybe a girl.

Why we’re secretly wishing for a boy

• Tyler is the only boy in the family.  When we go on summer vacations & family events, Tyler is always the one who ends up coming out looking like a princess with a dress & tiara on him.  Having another boy won’t necessary even out the #’s but at least he’ll have a companion.
• Boys require LESS maintenance emotionally & physically.  No long hair to brush, braid & style, they can pee anywhere – outside, in a bottle & there’s no toilet seat to clean when you take them to the most disgusting public restroom.  There’s no mood swings or drama and I’m talking only toddler years right now.  I can’t imagine when both of them hit their teenage years.
• In my experience, boys are sweeter & more lovable towards their mothers.  Mommy will always the first woman in their lives, and no matter who he marries later on in life – MOM always came first.
• We already have clothes left over from Tyler if this is a boy.  I wouldn’t have to go out and spend buckets amount of money buying stuff the baby will only wear twice before it no longer fits again.
• In this day and age, raising a girl scares the living crap out of me.  Samantha is as girly as they come.  She’ll cry over everything.  I’ll have to teach another girl how to be a strong independent woman who won’t fall prey to victimization or horrid shocking girl behaviors you read in the media.  And then there’s the thing my mom always said growing up – “boys can’t get pregnant when they’re 16”.
• Samantha will have 2 younger brothers watching her back when she’s growing up.  Who’s going to mess with my daughter now?!

Why we’re secretly ok about a girl

• I had an older sister & a younger brother – my sister and I are BFFs growing and still are.  Sisters have a connection with each other that you don’t hear as much from a brother & a sister. I would hate to deprive Sam of that pleasure
• Girls are calmer as a toddler.  When I tell my daughter to sit on the red chair and wait for mommy to come back, when I get back, she’ll still be on the red chair; while my son would’ve probably found the highest point he can climb up to.
• I have nothing saved for a girl, so I’ll be forced to go shopping again.  J
• Girl stuff are just cuter.  There’s a LOT more options.  Skorts, skirts, dresses, capris, shorts, pants, leggings, etc..   it’s like playing dress up all over again.

So did you find out the sex of your kids?  When?  Did you have a preference?

As I mentioned in my other post, we’re pregnant with our 3^rd, and so far the word “exhaustion & tiredness” has taken on a new meaning of its own.

Let us explain.

When we were pregnant the first time around – we were hit with exhaustion.  It was difficult getting through the 8 hour workday and attempting to function like a normal person at work.  But at the end of the workday – we went home, we bitched about climbing down the stairs to put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, or actually getting up to click to the next episode of whatever we’re watching on Netflix (this was before the next episode auto feature).  But when it was all said and done, no one was there to judge us when we climbed into bed at 7:30 in the evening and called it a night.  No one cared that we stayed in bed till noon on the weekends.  Life was exhausting – we thought…

Then we got pregnant the 2^nd time around.  Our daughter, Samantha was about 18 months, and was already heavily in her terrible two’s phase.  Between raging hormones & toddler temper tantrums – we understood the next level of exhaustion.  Potty training was in progress, evenings ended around 9:30pm after a full day of work & weekend wake up calls started around 6:30/7am.  We still THANK god for nap time though.  But as exhausting as it was, we didn’t realize how easy/lucky having ONE child was.  On the weekends when we just really didn’t think we can do it anymore, we dropped her off to spend quality over-night sleepovers at Grandma.

Then we’re pregnant for the 3^rd time, and like we said at the beginning of this article, the word “EXHAUSTION” has taken on a different meaning.  Samantha is now 4 going on 13, and Tyler is a few months older than 2.  Schoolwork, afterschool activities, weekend obligations have now set in.  We were on a schedule – and the schedule doesn’t wait around for a pregnant woman to feel up for it.  The day starts early at 6:30/7am to make breakfast & lunch for the kiddies and get them rushed off to school ON TIME.  (God forbid we get another note from school about the importance of arriving to class ON TIME).  Evenings are spent reviewing homework assignments, prepping for new ones and answering the godzillion questions a 4 & 2 year old has about the world before rushing them off to bed.  We ignore the household chores at times, but we’re LUCKY if we get to bed by 10pm.  Weekends are then spent schlepping them around to their multiple activities – piano, ballet, swimming lessons, Chinese school, the list feels endless – and the days bleed into one another.  The in-laws & parents are more reluctant to babysit 2 kids, and the few moments of peace & quiet we do get is quickly interrupted by something.

Not to say we don’t feel entirely blessed to be able to conceive and be pregnant – we are.  And not to say we don’t feel entirely blessed to have two wonderful children already – We LOVE them to death.  But if you’re asking me why I’m so tired all the time…and how this pregnancy differs from the last two – hey – now you know why.

How about you guys? How has each pregnancy been different?

There won’t be postcards, or cute catchy Facebook posts to announce the pending “muffin in our oven”.  We’ve told close friends & family and letting rumors run the rest of its course.  When my husband’s cousins from Canada learned about our pending THIRD child, she called to congratulate us – we ended up chatting longer than anticipated. Our cousin has a 10 month old girl at home, and she’s been aggressively trying again since she’s been allowed to have sex again.  Her reasoning she tells me – “I don’t want to go back to work ever again”.  SMACK on the head – OMG – I forget she lives in Canada & their maternity leave is a YEAR long.

So we decided to look at the world’s maternity leave report card, and not surprisingly – not all countries are passing with flying colors.  So let this be a lesson to you – perhaps you’ll want to move somewhere else to have your baby?

United States – 12 weeks.  12 weeks is the max you get to guarantee you a job when you return, but it does NOT obligate your company to pay for a single day of your leave.

Iceland – 3 months.  You’ll get paid 80% off your wage for 3 months

Germany – 14 weeks. 100% wages

Japan – 14 weeks. 67% wages paid

New Zealand – 14 weeks @ 100% paid, 38 weeks unpaid if you chose to take it

Finland – 105 days – 70% wages paid

Austria – 16 weeks. 100% wages paid

France – 16 weeks. 100% wages paid

Australia – 18 weeks – 12 months.  You’ll only be paid for 18 weeks, but you can take up to 12 months.

Ukraine – 126 days – 100% paid

Poland – 20 weeks – 100% paid

Russia – 140 days – 100% paid

Italy – 5 months – 80% paid

Norway – 36-46 weeks – 100% for the shorter duration & then 80% for the longer option.

Bosnia – 1 year.  82% for the first 30 days & 75% for the remaining period

Canada – 52 weeks. 55% for 17 weeks, additional 35 weeks can be taken by either parents. Wages depend on province.

Croatia – 1 year.  100% paid

Denmark – 1 year.  100% paid

Serbia – 1 year. 100% paid

UK – 52 weeks. 90% paid